you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
