i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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