College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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