When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a beard to bite.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
