never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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