It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
