would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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