But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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