But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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