About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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