im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
