Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
