If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
