dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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