There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
