As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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