PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
