woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
