Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
