Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
