it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
