His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
