Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
