can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
