I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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