I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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