Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
