I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
