Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
