what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
