i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
