I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
