Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
