Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
