I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
