Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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