just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
