i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
