sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm too high and old for this...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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