You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
