i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
