Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
