Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
