i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
