am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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