New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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