Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
