Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
