I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
