i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
