I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
