I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
