PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
