last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
