I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
